The Stories (Work in Progress)
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I wasn’t able to actually finish the project according to my plan. However, I asked my friends to write the word 冲突 in Chinese and the word meaning conflict in their native language. Language is the tool for us to express ideas and opinions, but in a way is also shaping how we understand the word. It represents a part of the narrative, a part of the story from an individual unit. Writing the word 冲突, which without translation would mean nothing to them. Writing it down, pondering on its shape and strokes would allow people to think about what it means, not just to themselves, but also to those who is use the language.
While the original intent of this work was to address my attitude towards what happened in Hongkong, but I have modified it to express my feelings during the pandemic. Being a Chinese in U.S. means living in a margin. This feeling of being the Other, someone who falls out of the master narrative, becomes more salient during the pandemic. It is ironic, that when China was struck by the virus, we were the ones who worried and sent boxes of masks back home. But now being in the U.S., we become the group of people who are afraid to wear masks. We are blamed for the virus, while hundreds of people have died back home. My mother keeps sending me news about Chinese college students being attacked for wearing a mask, especially when the pandemic wasn’t so serious in the U.S., and I always tell her not to worry. However, deep down I know that I will have to face something more terrible than virus, racism. I want to go back home, but I can’t afford a plane ticket that became so rare and expensive. At the same time, there are voices back in China that blamed the study abroad students for being traitors, that we weren’t there when the country needed us, that we escaped, and now we are going back and bringing more risks with us.
I layered the painting. The color palette of each layer is modified a little to create a sense of dizziness, detachment and unstableness. At the same time such blurred effect adds motion to the painting to express a body in action, an urge to escape the fire. The words are meant to represent different interpretations, different experiences, different identities. The typed-word 冲突 is intended to be placed up-side-down to remind the audience to change perspective. There is a magic to Chinese characters, especially to people whose first language is Chinese：the more one looks at the same word repeatedly, the more one would find himself unable to recognize the word. Although one still knows what it means and knows how to pronounce it subconsciously, one would find the word less familiar, or looks stranger. But if one looks at other words, for example, switching from staring at 冲突 to staring at conflict, and comes back to this word again, it becomes “the old word” that one knows. What difference does the process make to our perception of the world? Does it allow us to ponder on things that are previously unnoticed? Does it bring connection between the two or make them even more different? Does it create a sense of opposition? When you look at what you are familiar with, does it make you question how the other may feel when looking at words that they are familiar with? What are your thoughts? How, in your understanding, will we approach this work? And last, what is “you” and what is “we”?
Special thanks to Marshall Yang, Alec Stimac, Ethan Kearns and Bryan Tran for helping me with the project. Thank you for your neat handwriting!
